operation: get prepared.

This is for all of the people out there trying to pretend they have it all together, while everything seems to be telling a different story. This is for me. This is for you.

I have been having a week full of preparation fails. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm trying to do the right thing, be wise and all that jazz. I'm trying to anticipate what's coming and intercept it with my awesome skills. But I'm coming face to face with a harsh truth. As the number of children under my care increases, so does my capacity to love them (and everyone said Awwwwww.) What's unfortunate is that my ability to do anything else seems to be exponentially decreasing. Can I get an amen? I'm finding that making "mental notes" is for the birds. I've changed too many diapers and slept too few hours to actually keep track of things on brain power alone. I am that girl, the one that walks away and straight forgets what I just mentally promised myself not to. Blah.

Monday: I took photos of some friends, and I was prepared. Well, I thought I was. I came with all sorts of coordinating props, totally had a PLAN. And then, after our long ascent to the top of the hay field, I realized I'd completely forgotten my book of ideas and had to try and remember them. Boo :/ Two hundred plus pictures later, we were all smiles, until I got home and realized that I hadn't checked my settings and shot all of them in JPEG. Boo. Again.
Tuesday: I spent the entire day playing with photos and mapping out blog posts while the laundry and dishes reached towering heights. Fail.
Wednesday: I kicked it in gear. I woke up, spent time with Jesus, and whipped this house back into shape. I'm talking clean bathrooms, clean laundry, folded laundry, and zero dishes. WIN.
Thursday: I played all morning with a blog post that I never finished, and then got too busy to post. I went and picked up my model and headed to the farm for more pics. I neglected to get all of the directions I needed, so I spent 10 minutes parked on a country road, then drove up a private drive and parked in front of a house for another 20 minutes that was not the right one. Fail. Jump past a successful afternoon and sweet dinner with my family. While making said dinner, something caused a chicken juice overflow in the oven and I made one of my infamous "mental notes" to clean it after the oven cooled down.
Friday/ Today: I spruced up the house with a little pick up action before I started on my little guy's fancy birthday cake. Guess what I found? Oh yeah, that scorched chicken juice that I whole-heartedly meant to clean up last night. Fail. Now, I'm sitting, waiting on my hubs to get home so I can go to the store to pick up the items that I need for this cake, the items that I forgot to put on the list. What's wrong with my brain?!

What I neglected to offer in this timeline is the fact that somewhere in there I committed my Saturday to take pictures of a wedding and then rush off to a barbecue, all on the day before my sweet boy turns two. I forgot to plan him any sort of party, not that he'll really care. But I care. Now I'm rushing around to squeeze in birthday cake construction among all of our other weekend activities, so that we can at least do cake and ice cream for him Sunday. Preparation Fail.

Do you ever find yourself in these sorts of self-inflicted predicaments? It's ok. You're in good company. Today, in the midst of my retelling and reliving of all the goofy mistakes I made this week, I keep returning to this. Proverbs 16:9 (this version from the Message) We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. Isn't that the truth?? Aside from healthier eating habits, more water, and more brain food, I NEED JESUS. With all my planning and good intentions and the subsequent flubbing up, I have to remember that I am just in need of grace and guidance. I can make all the plans in the world, but if I'm counting on myself to make it happen, it won't. I'll forget. I'll come up short every.single.time. All the brain food in the world can't change that. I need God's hand to be all over everything that I do.

I hope this finds you making plans and looking to Jesus :)

churched. by Heinz.

Do you remember the Heinz campaign from the 80s? Good things come to those who wait. Fancy fact for today- Matt LeBlanc from Friends actually starred in one of those! You Tube it. Anyway, that's what's on my mind today. Waiting. And good things. If you're reading this as a photographer, by any definition, then you probably know where I'm going with this. I take sooooo many photos trying to get that one amazing picture.

Like this one for instance. I took 249 photos of Linz just for THIS :)

I almost missed it. I didn't even realize I'd taken this photo until I got to editing.

Isn't that just like some of life's most magical moments? It happens to me all the time. I get really close to missing the great stuff, because I'm just not paying attention. I'm clickin' through life unaware of the awesomeness around me. I've gotta stop and look around sometimes! That's the trouble with waiting, isn't it? Waiting is tough. They say good things come to those who wait. It doesn't say good things come to those who are waiting. Ha. That's a bit of a buzz kill. I'm  in a season of waiting. And I am believing for the good things that come out of it.

My hubs and I are youth pastors in a small town. We are waiting for God to get crazy up in here. We are waiting for the Holy Spirit to stir hearts. We are waiting for what's next. It feels like we've been waiting forever already. In worship tonight we sang these words "And I will not forget, I won't forget Your promises." Then it hit me like a brick to the gut. That's the trouble with waiting, it's the forgetting that's the trouble. If you're like me, and find yourself waiting, begrudgingly, then maybe... just maybe, you're forgetting something.

I hope this finds you soaking up life's magical moments, waiting for good things, and not forgetting.

simple things.

There are days when I get overwhelmed with little things. That's easy to do, but silly. It's the little details that make life amazing and it's the simple things that can make it miserable too. A while back I made a poor attempt at reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts. I failed. I'm no book critic, but the writing was a bit much for me. There's a part of me that longs to live in hipster awesomeness. I want to be trendy and cool and speak in poetic awesomeness all the time. But if I have to read a sentence or a paragraph four times to make sure I got it, then I'm probably missing the point. Bearing that in mind, I did glean some sweet wisdom from the perspective in this book. Being grateful for the simplest tiniest things in your life can make a world of difference, give you new perspective, yada yada yada. I got hung up on one paragraph in particular where she was talking about the way the sun glistened off of the soap suds as she washed dishes by hand. I have never looked at something as mundane as dishes and had such a beautiful thought. It was sort of inspiring. It sort of spoke to my heart in a wow-that's-kind-of-weird-and-cool-at-the-same-time kind of way.

I do love to focus on details, on the tiniest things that will be forgotten in a moment. I love to relish them for what the are- precious tiny elements of a larger, more moving purpose, a memory. Like the way my boys' jean pockets are always full of rocks. Or the look on my Jere's face when he jumps on the trampoline. I could get super annoyed that my Matthew is only happy in his special socks and his rubber boots, sure. But gosh, I'd much rather just soak all of it up, for the boyish goodness that it is.

I had the privilege of taking some pics of one of my sweet prego friends and her adorable family. I found myself hung up on the details. I think it made the whole shoot more special.

Isn't that how we should look at life? I never want to be so caught up in the big picture that I completely miss the small things that work together to get us there. I never want to resent small beginnings. But then again, I guess the same could be said for being too detail-oriented. After all, a bunch of pictures of baby shoes wouldn't do much for anybody, would it?

I hope this finds you enjoying the little stuff for what it is, small precious glimpses of the greatness to come.

weekend update. second chances.

When I started blogging again I did it with the intention of sort of logging my journey as a photographer. I wanted to show you the transformation, and I guess I wanted to be able to physically "see" it as well. I've realized, pretty quickly into it, that this is more than that. I promise not to abandon my roots here, and I'll stay true to what I set out to do. But man oh man, there's so much nonsense that Jesus is working out in me every day. I think you're supposed to see that too. How embarrassing for me :/

This weekend was nothing short of crazy gorgeous. I'm from Texas, where the sweltering heat starts before summer and lasts into fall. Virginia is so mind-boggling to me. A few days into June and I've been wearing a cardigan because the night air is so cool. It's weird. So what did I do with my two days of breezy amazingness?? Spent them inside with an attitude that was lacking a lot of Holy Spirit goodness and brimming with selfish ugly ooze. Ouch. You see, somewhere in the last couple of months I decided I didn't like it here, and started sabotaging my own life. Have you ever been there? My husband, who is sometimes more rough around the edges with his delivery than I'd like, basically told me to stop complaining or stop talking altogether. I'm not gonna lie, I found it incredibly irritating. I quickly punished him with a 5 minute silent treatment, mostly because he told me that he didn't believe I'd be able to do it. And then, ohhhhhhh then, my heart started aching. I spend a lot of time in God's presence, asking Him to weed out such instances. And when that ugliness makes an appearance, it's always heart-breaking. Luckily, this was Saturday morning, and I had some time to redeem the weekend- GRACE :)

Some time with my Bible, some time with my Father, and then a lovely evening and afternoon with my men. And Sunday, shew, it was a really good day. I got some very specific answers on some things that I've been bringing to Jesus daily, and that's always a cause for celebration. In the midst of all of it, I did a crafty update- a very timely one. Something old, given new life, new perspective, a little... personality. 

BEFORE. This chair was in one of the barns at my mom-in-law's farm. I climbed into that dark, dusty hole and fished her out. I looked at this chair and saw all sorts of potential.

 

First I cut away the old seat- it was super sketch. I wiped it down really well, and then did a red paint "wash" on it. I just mixed a little water with some acrylic paint to bring a little life to the red that was already there. I feel like I should stress that this is a prop, so I'm not expecting this paint job to hold up to harsh elements. In fact, I'd love for it not to. Personality.

Then I parked it in front of the TV where my man was watching golf, and settled into cutting 2 inch strips of fabric for the seat. You can find the tutorial for a scrap fabric woven seat here. There was absolutely no rhyme or reason to the fabrics chosen, except that I wanted lots of color and approached it sort of like I would a crazy scrap quilt. According to the tutorial, she used 12 strips. I used 14. 

Here's where I started to freak out a little. After weaving the opposite direction, the bottom of the chair became a mess of strips and knots and aaaaggghhhh... but I just kept working anyway. I was pretty confident it would work out in the end.

Bam. AFTER. I heart this. 

Truth is, I needed this perspective. I needed the ultimate Authority on creativity to take a look at me and see all sorts of potential. I needed Him to fish me out of the dark, dusty hole I had been digging for myself. And I needed Him to refresh, repurpose, renew. I needed a second chance. Whether you're on your first, second, third... or whatever chance, I hope this finds you bracing for grace and embracing God's purposes in your everyday.

RAW is better.

My day started with me racing to the door to greet the mail only to realize I'd busted a hole in the crotch of my skinny jeans while pouring myself into them this morning. I've felt sort of off my game ever since. Too much? Maybe. Just keepin' it real. Life isn't all peaches and roses, and I think you've got to be honest about it sometimes. More importantly, you have to laugh about it. I did. And then I changed my pants.

Ever get tired of putting on that face? I do. I get tired of pretending that I've got it all together or that I'm ok with the fact that I don't. Every once in a while I freak out. Raw emotion. Love it or hate it, it's emotion in it's purest form. We've all been crazy angry and sputtered out words we would have otherwise kept under wraps. (I'm not talking about ugly overflows of the heart here, but just honest feelings) We've sobbed in response to something seemingly small, just because we were so delicately teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely a fan of restraint and not a fan of being led by our emotions. But that's another post entirely :) I like raw emotion because it's real. Fake people, fake emotions, fake interactions- blah. I have a relationship with a real God. He sees my emotions for what they are, and loves me in spite of all that I really am. He knows me in the raw. Shew. I am so wrapped up in His grace. It's where I always have to return whenever life smacks me in the face with a reality check. I'm so grateful for that!

As I discover my photography style, I am finding that I'm drawn to capturing real moments full of raw emotion. I have a hard time with posed photos with cheesy smiles. I love a pic where everyone's smiling just as much as the next guy, I'm just not any good at capturing them. Those aren't the photos I get crazy for- I am so in love with candid shots. I'm not talking about the one where you're turning your head, growling, and your eyes look like they're rolling back into your head. Everyone hates those. I'm talking about pictures that tell a story. Whoever said that a picture is worth a thousand words was spot on. It's not so much about a picture being more important than a story, or more valuable than a verbal recollection. I think it's more about the things that we don't say. A candid photo, taken at just the right moment, says things that go unsaid in day to day life.

I hope this finds you being you, being real, RAW.

my boy, in the raw. i want to bottle that cackle and listen to it when i'm 100.

P.S. In case you were wondering, I do shoot RAW. This isn't because I'm going all photog snob on ya. It actually boils down to a simple choice. I want to decide what stays and what goes in editing. I don't trust that my camera knows best. And I certainly can't depend on myself to get all my settings right ;)

water-wha??? oh, yeah, riiiiiiiiight.

Yesterday I told you I'd post some early pics today. I lied. Instead of scouring through all of the albums I've created in the last 6 months, I spent hours creating a watermark. Seriously. You know that cool logo thingy that fancy photographers have on their photos so no one swipes them? Yes, folks. I decided to make myself official. I wasted the better part of my day trying to make something trendy and true to who I am. And because I know that you'll be anxious to see the fruits of my labor, I'm posting a picture of my tiniest little person sporting said watermark.

To be fair, you should know that I'm not the most techno-savvy individual and that's probably why it took me so long to finish. In fact, as self-sufficient as I pretend to be, I count on my man to update my itunes library and fix all my computer issues. I was a much more capable female before I got married. I'm willing to admit it, and own it. You should be too.

This brings me to my photography tip of the day. If you're not into snapping photos, don't stop reading. It's been my experience that Jesus teaches me things through my hobbies. This one sort of bleeds into everything. Wait for it.... 

It's ok to need somebody. 

Whew. That was almost painful to type because it goes against everything I've believed about myself for so long! In a society that says we are supposed to stand on our own, especially as women, it's tough to sort out the truth from the lies sometimes. I'm embracing the inevitable and asking for help with my photography- constructive criticism, mentorship, and plain ole' down home advice. I've been doing the same thing with life in general, trying to let people into my world, lean on them, trust them. It's not nearly as difficult as it sounds. It's actually sort of refreshing, that moment when you reconcile that it's ok not to be perfect and have everything figured out as long as you're moving in the right direction. And let's face it, it's so much more fun to travel in packs. 

If you're looking to put together your own snazzy watermark, I found this tutorial to be super helpful. I hope this finds you reaching out.

a budding photog.

I made a discovery this week. Well, maybe before giving you details on that, I should first give a back story. Several months ago we purchased a Nikon DSLR. I'd be lying if I said I aspired to do anything with it except take sweet pics of my quilts. Lame reason to buy a fancy camera?? Yup. But alas, I'm all about honesty. I follow all these blogs with quilts draped over fences or hanging on barns or nonchalantly positioned near a field of poppies. I love poppies.

So, my first real experience with this camera was when my Dad and my stepmom came to visit in December. I took loads of pictures of them on the farm. It's easy to take amazing pictures on an amazing farm. Then I put the camera away. I pulled it out every once in a while, snapping photos of my crazy cute kids doing what they do best- being rambunctious little boys. And then, I put the camera away, again.

I went to Texas in April for a two week visit. While I was there, something crazy happened. One of my photog friends made a comment to me, saying that she saw the pictures I'd been taking and they were "really good." I laughed. And then, my mind went crazy. Isn't it funny, how powerful words are?? Sweet Jennifer, she had no idea the can of worms she was opening for me with those kind words. Or maybe she did :)

I came home and immediately began obsessing about taking pictures of my kids. We held our first photo shoot on the farm in April. I've dabbled since then, taking every chance to take pics and every single willing model to let me "practice" on them. I now spend hours editing photos a few times a week and I live and breathe PROPS. Ugh. I think of everything as a photo op. It's really odd.

And this brings me to my discovery. I happened upon an article on a photography forum talking about "momtographers." Ha. I am a momtographer!! It's a bittersweet discovery, as this article was defending them, because of the ridiculous haters out there writing articles about how bad we are for the photography business. There was much ado about undercutting "real" photogs with cheap prices, and about inexperience, and about their lack of professionalism.

So. I have a new mission of sorts. I am a momtographer. I am proud of it. I am growing and learning and getting better with every photo that I take. I want to log this journey for every other mom out there that doesn't think she can learn something this late in the game. And... I'll probably throw in a few crafty projects too. This is how I roll folks. I learn by doing. I learn by making mistakes. And I never regret it!! Tomorrow I'll post a few of my early photos. And later this week I'll post some of my more recent stuff. I pray this inspires and encourages. That's why we do what we do, right? Peace out, y'all.