the waiting game.

My life seems so full of questions and so full of waiting. I can only imagine that I'm in good company when I admit it. I round one corner with confidence only to find more wonder and worry waiting on the other side. I include worry only because that is where my head wants to wander first, but my heart knows my Maker better than that. I wish I could say without hesitation that I always hope and trust without letting anxiety get the best of me. In my searching I find the faithfulness of my Dad doesn't waiver at all. He is patient and diligent in the way He nudges me through these lessons. There are many on this one thing... waiting. And He waits for me to get it.

God is waiting. Always waiting. He waits in pursuit. He chases after me in every corner of my universe. He is a lion, strong, true. He is deserving of fear in every form of the word, but He doesnt demand it. He is loyal and lovely and the very sight of Him draws respect from every part of me. He is like wind in trees and rain on dry ground. Every good thing can be summed up in the essence of my God. And He has made it His work to run after me, calling me out of dark places and deep pits, urging me into Him, into light and life.

There is another one lurking. He doesn't do things in the open. He is always in the shadows, always hunting. He is coniving and manipulative and evil to the core. His work is to keep me bound. There is no freedom that comes by his feeble hand.

What does this mean for me? I can judge the position of my heart by the way I wait. If in my waiting, I am afraid and unsure, I am not waiting on God's heart. If my insecurities drive me into hiding, then I can be sure that I haven't heard His voice. If I am after the character of my Dad then I have to know this: waiting is reward. Waiting is proving. Waiting is building. Waiting is an overflow of the truth that has taken root in me. Am I waiting in trust and pursuit? Or am I waiting in fear and withdrawal? Waiting is telling. Waiting is a position of the heart. Waiting is readiness.

So what are you waiting for?

Love hard. But dont hold too tightly.

Most days I hug my boys as many times as possible. I obsessively and annoyingly rub their hair and pat their backs and kiss their foreheads.
Today is no different.

Jere just toddled into the kitchen in all of his cuteness rambling in tiny mixed up words about granola bars and orange juice. "Ganoya bahs and own deuce" to be more specific. I knelt down and scooped him into a hug. He giggled into my ear, "Dats too mush mommy. Make it easy." I loosened my squeeze. He smiled "Dats bettuh" and fish-kissed  my cheek. And then he was gone. I was left standing in the kitchen with a whirlwind of emotions about this week-shy-of-a-three-year-old.

Being a mom is the worst. You get crazy attached to these tiny humans knowing full well that they are in your care for but a moment. One blink, one breath, and they're grown and gone. Our first instinct is to hold tightly. And if we're not careful, we can squeeze the life right out of them. But if we can remember to loosen up every once in a while, they can surprise us with everything they know.

This morning I watched my ten year old from the doorway. I had been listening to some of my favorite worship songs and came around the corner to find him on the couch with his guitar. I stood quietly as he picked out the notes and played along with every.single.song. No one "taught" him that. We simply loosened our grip, gave room for the Holy Spirit to come and work.

This is permeating every area of my life- a conscious releasing of control to my Father that is better equipped and certainly more qualified. In the instant that I loosen my grip on things, He moves in bringing clarity and purpose. It is refreshing.

I hope this finds you purposing to loosen your grip on life, clinging hard to only Jesus. Happy Monday.