I wish...

 Have you ever thought you wanted something so badly, wished for it with your whole heart, and then been sorely disappointed after you got it? I have. I am a dreamer, and with that comes a lot of wishing. I wish I had a bigger house. I wish I had a maid to clean that house. ;) I wish my hair was awesomer. I wish that sweats and house shoes were the most fashionable thing to wear. I wish my life was more like that girl over there, cause she's got it all together. I wish, I wish, I wish. The dictionary defines a wish as a want or desire, seems harmless enough. The trouble with wishing and wanting is that they don't play nice with contentment. Wishing says, 'If I can just have a little more, then I'll stop wishing.' But just like every genie in a bottle story ever, we always end up wishing for more wishes. Wishing is never satisfied, and our wishes never play out the way we plan for them to.

Hope, hope is a different story. We confuse the two, use them interchangeably even- wishing and hoping. 

They are not the same. 

Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Did you catch it? Hope goes beyond wishing and wanting. Hope is tangled up with faith and trust. Hope believes. Hope doesn't come and go, nor is it controlled by circumstance. Hope stands the test of time, and it grows. Then, when you see that hope fulfilled, because you know you will, instead of disappointing you to the core, it breathes life into parts of you that you thought were dead. It is water to dry bones, strength to the weary heart, courage to the fearful one. 

Why then, do we cheapen the deep hopes of our hearts by letting them turn into vain wishes, or worse, by letting them take second stage to those longings? 

Father started stirring something in me through a simple moment with my Jere. At four years old, he is certainly full of wishes, but he is also so full of hope and wonder. Like his momma, he is most at home knee deep in ocean waves. He has asked me no less than twice a week for the last four months if we were going to the beach. Not, "can we go to the beach today?" but "are we going to the beach?" Between baby newness, homeschooling, a never-ending to do list, and several rainy attempts- we were long overdue. I knew he needed it and I told him we would go. We had a stir crazy toddler on our hands and I felt like I was watching him crater under the weight of all of the recent change. Today, a week into October, was such a gorgeous day and we high-tailed it to the beach after school. Finally. The look on Jere's face as he ran out into the waves is etched onto my momma heart. He threw his hands up and squealed until he was laughing uncontrollably. I watched as the cares of the last few months washed away. A hope fulfilled.

Kids are great teachers when it comes to issues of faith, because they are able to blindly trust in spite of what their surroundings may do to discourage them. We accuse them of blurring the lines of make believe and reality, but it's really just that we are all hard-wired by God to hold on to hope in the face of adversity. Somewhere along the way we get distracted, wounded, jaded, and it changes us. Today, I am asking Jesus to take me back to a place of innocence, to wash away cynicism and distrust and replace it with love that drives out fear and doubt. I am asking him to help me clear out the desire for instant gratification and make room for patient hope again. I am asking Him to remind me of my buried hopes so that I can see them refreshed and fulfilled. 

I pray this finds you doing the same.